Some of us can see through those stained glass eyes.

Song of the Day:
"Pot Kettle Black" by Tilly and the Wall.

This song was AMAZING live. They put on such a good show, and I'm obsessed with the tap dancer. I got a picture with her, and I look like I'm about to start slobbering. But the funny thing is that right after the photo was taken, "Radar" by Britney Spears came on, and I was like, "Peace, Tap dancer, it's time for me to dance," so I ran away to dance. So, for all intensive purposes, I blew off the tap dancer to dance to Britney Spears. Oh, my priorities.

And my song of... oh, I don't know, my life at the moment:
"The Girl You Lost To Cocaine" by Sia.

It's such a sad song, but it is even sadder, because I feel like it's been sung to me, by many people, in the past few months. It's like hearing their perspectives all over again, and it is painful. Because it's true. Right now I have to atone for my sins. I do feel guilt, whether someone thinks so or not. And the funny thing is, I feel the most guilt about that situation. Funny. But, it worked out in the end, eh? Ha.

Eleanor is still not back. I keep having dreams that she comes back, only to wake up to the reality that she's gone. I don't think she's ever going to come back. How can you replace a cat that is absolutely perfect in every way?!

Everything hits at once, really. In a way, I'm getting my shit together. I'm going back to school. I have a job at the library. I have an apartment. I got myself away from substances. But then I have doubts about those things. I lost Eleanor. I don't have enough money to pay for things because I don't know how to save money. And then... I have personal life issues. I feel like I complain too much, and instead of fixing the things in my life that are kaputt gegangen, I completely withdraw and isolate myself. I don't deal! How do you deal with things? How do you get over people? How do you get your shit together? These things escape me! It makes me wonder if I've ever dealt with a fucking thing in my life. UGHHH.

One of these days, I will solve my own problems. Deal with my own issues. And finally become a person capable of doing great things. I will be someone worth being around, and being with. I just wish I could have been that sooner.

At least I'm getting water tomorrow.